Texas Weather: I Can Relate

One thing I will never understand is how our minds can go from sunshine to thunderstorms in minutes.  

This summer wasn’t just a season that consisted of hot and humid weather or unappealing tan lines. It was a season of growing and adapting to the Lord’s plan. Now, I wish I could say that I spent my summer listening and obeying God’s calling for me. I actually spent most of my time running and hiding from Him. But, we indeed do have a good, good Father who never loses sight of us. So, as a lost sheep, He did what a good Shepherd does — He found me.

I guess you can say that I was a bit of a nomad this summer. I was never in one place for more than a week at a time and I lived out of my suitcase and car. I think that this played a huge part in my struggle because I never felt “at home.” Anyway, I told myself that I was going to take these few months off from school to really focus on what God was calling me to do with my life. I knew that I needed to heal from a previous unhealthy relationship and I knew that God was placing things on my heart for me to pray about and eventually pursue. I was really excited and I felt a sense of peace in this time because I had completely surrendered to the Lord’s will and I was confident that he was not going to let me go. But, just like Peter stepping out of the boat, I took my eyes off of Jesus for a few seconds and found myself doubting and questioning his plan for me. And I needed help.

It’s unbelievably frustrating how the enemy comes just when you think you’ve had enough.

I have this issue where I cannot bare to show that I am weak. I have an amazing community back home that loves and cares for me. But, the thought of others carrying my problems AND theirs? Unacceptable. I love helping but hate being helped. However, the Lord slowly started to break this down for me and I found myself in situations where I longed to be vulnerable with someone and share my heart. See God did this awesome thing — just when I desired to be vulnerable and let go, all of the people that said “I will always be here for you” or “You are never a bother to me,” were unavailable. Clarification: I am not saying that I have bad friends who just say those things because it sounds good. I have groovy friends. What I’m saying is that God strategically made my people unavailable because he wanted me to seek Him. He wanted me to love and adore Him with all of my heart. This changed everything.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with your whole heart.

Jeremiah 29:13

I began to fall in love with my Creator again and I did everything I could to passionately and faithfully seek Him. I became so dependent on God that good days were only possible if I read His word. I started to encounter His presence in worship and I felt like He heard me when I prayed. I found myself at the feet of Jesus and I deeply desired to know Him more.

There’s this war raging on in my head and I am my biggest enemy. This summer grew me and stretched me to new limits. I learned more of what it’s like to be a child of God and have child-like faith. It’s something that is so easily forgotten. God did not intend for the Gospel to be complicated or confusing. It’s actually really simple; Jesus. I needed to be reminded that God loves me so much that He sent His only son to die for me so that I may be with Him one day in Heaven. He has a seat saved for me and you too. My problem wasn’t that I couldn’t be vulnerable or show weakness. My problem was that I didn’t trust that God had control of my life and that I wasn’t covered by grace. He broke down this worldly view and attitude I had and gently placed me back in the passenger seat. (I think He drives a Mercedes G-Class.) He let me wander on my own for a while just to teach me that He has a path marked out with my name on it and that’s the only path worth taking.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

Hebrews 12:1-2

He specifically made me for something that will glorify His kingdom. It took a lot of harsh realizations and truth to see the goodness of the Lord this summer. But, I do know this: Jesus’ power is made perfect in my weakness. And that’s pretty groovy.  

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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“Disability” is a Perspective

thewobblyway

We all start out equal: babies, drooling out the food we’re trying desperately to eat and bewildered by our own fingers. Then, people start keeping track, keeping track of our growth, when we walk, and what words we are learning to say. We start living for a checklist. That checklist causes a lens through which we look at people, and we start defining fat, skinny, tall, short, abled, disabled and so on. This idea was introduced to me while I was reading The Disability Studies Reader by Lennard J. Davis.

The first time I figured out I was disabled was in kindergarten when I saw not all kids have a walker. However, the realization was brief because I could leave my walker at the door and become normal. After all, walker or no walker, I could count, read, and spell, as well or better than my classmates. I checked these things off my list…

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Has Anyone Found My Slipper Yet?

I have quite the built-up frustration when it comes to relationships and “finding the one” as millennials would say. I’m tired. Honestly just very exhausted. My opinion? We have too many expectations of what love should look like or feel like. You may have heard some or all of the following statements such as:

“I just knew when I saw him.”
“Love it not easy, but with the right person, it’s worth it.”
“We just fell in love and never looked back.”
“I wrote her 365 letters, she got married, she saw me, left him…”

 

While some of these might be actual experiences for humans (I’m jealous), for me…..No!!

What is this??

We have this concept of what it’s supposed to look like so when we come across anything less, we think we are selling ourselves short. We have sites like Pinterest, Twitter and Instagram that give us these ideas of a fairy tale love story. I’ll admit I’m guilty of re-pinning or liking such things. I really hope I’m not the only one feeling this way. That would be kind of awkward. These high and most likely unattainable expectations leave us in our beds at night with our phones in hand wondering when our time will come when we live happily ever after. With this, I change gears to when we actually have a boyfriend/girlfriend and the fairy tale turns into a bit of a nightmare.

Texting and social media has made it so easy for us to cop out of situations without showing our face or having confrontation. If you think relationships don’t apply to this, you are very very wrong. It seems to not be a big deal to end a relationship via phone call or text. Just trust me on this one. It’s also not uncommon to read the words “I love you” 20 times a day. I mean, I get it. It’s easy to type and it takes like 2 seconds. But with this comes a loss of meaning and causes redundancy. Call me old-fashioned, but I dig face-to-face interaction and honest conversations. Texting is cool but let’s be honest, it’s not getting us anywhere.

So I understand that these two issues might seem unrelated, but I just really long to be in a world where every journey is understood to be different; just like a fingerprint. We know that no one in the entire world has the same fingerprint as us. Even Jon has a different fingerprint than me. (We’ve compared). One couple might have this awesome story of how they met and fell in love, but it doesn’t mean ours has to follow identical suit. And I wish face-to-face conversations weren’t such an undesirable thing. These issues relate in my world right now because I’m experiencing such things. I would never publicly speak about this because I would definitely embarrass myself. So, I’ll stick to the medium of this blog. The font is easier to read and it corrects my misspellings. 

P.S. if anyone finds my glass slipper, give it to an attractive dude and send him my way.

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Seward, Nebraska: the people make it groovy.

28 cumulative hours on a charter bus is not exactly how I would like to spend a weekend in November. Especially when I have to miss class or sit by the bathroom. The worst part? Our destination. Nothing about this adventure excited me. But sometimes, when surrounded by the right people, great memories will be made.

I happen to be very blessed with an awesome community at Concordia University Texas. We take any opportunity we can to branch out and take cool road trips. This little adventure to Seward was for a missions conference. We embarked on this journey to learn more about how we could live a life of mission. We had no idea the friendships that would form in just 3 days.

The conference was great, we got to be Concordia University Nebraska Bulldogs for a weekend, we got to see trees that were colors other than green or brown, we experienced true winter weather, and we did service projects throughout the community of Seward. We also befriended some awesome Nebraskans. I now digress to my favorite part of the story.

We somehow ended up in Lincoln, Nebraska one night. We went to The University of Nebraska and spun around in chairs until they kicked us out at midnight. Then, we went to a random empty parking garage. I thought that we were going to chill on the rooftop and examine Nebraska at night. Instead, 7 of us sat in an elevator… for 2 hours. This is the moment I realized that no matter the location, situation, or environment, the people around me keep me going. Or maybe I was just delirious at that point.

The great thing about friends is the simple fact that they help mold me into someone that I want to be in the future. I can always count on them to be honest, transparent, and loyal. I talk about my friends because, like my family, they play an important role in my life. I would definitely not be who I am today without my friends.

I would go so far as to say that Concordia University Texas is very unique because of the community. However, I doubt kids grow up dreaming of going to Concordia. I kind of hope they don’t because they’re parents will be in debt. But I do wish that everyone in the world has the opportunity to experience friendships and community in the ways that I have at Concordia. I am not, by any means, campaigning for Concordia. I am simply saying that this university has provided me groovy people to call my friends. And that means a lot to me.

So when I look back on my college days, I won’t think about the tests I failed or how many parking tickets I got. I will think about my friends who made smelly towns and small elevators a little more bearable.

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Introduction: a love that lets us share our name

I drive on 2222 every day going to and from work. The rolling hills and the houses that I will never be able to afford get me thinking. I try to think “movie-worthy” thoughts and make faces that would suggest I just had my heart broken or my dog just died. Like a model. You get what I’m saying? Usually, I snap back into reality and come to the common realization that traffic is the worst and my phone battery is hanging on by a thread. But this day was different. This drive home was different. Rather than mindlessly driving through the hills of Austin, my mind kicked into high gear and took me down memory lane.

Family is at the top of all of my lists. It’s easy to take pride in my family because they show me unconditional love. It’s a groovy kind of love.

My parents get all of the credit.

I feel like I can call myself a “daddy’s girl”. Conversations with my dad are never wasted. He lets me talk about my dreams in exchange for his funny (-ish) jokes that tend to drive my mom crazy. Furthermore, my mom is my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my side-kick, if you will. She is a strong woman and I will be like her one day. It’s my goal.

In addition to my parents, I have a twin brother.

I always feel so honored to say that. We all have those times when we are asked to say something interesting about ourselves. I say “I have a twin brother” every single time. Whether people think it is interesting or not, I think it is. The best part is all of the questions that follow. “Do y’all look alike?” “Can I see a picture?” And the best one, “Who’s the favorite?” If you asked us individually, we would both point fingers. Also, let me just say that growing up with Jon was the best thing in the world. We would race in the backyard, play baseball in the batting cages that our dad built us, and sometimes, Jon took one for the team and let me put clips in his hair. We were inseparable. We are inseparable.

Anyway, what makes the Franz’s so special to me? I believe The Avett Brothers say it best: “There is nothing worth sharing like the love that lets us share our name.” We tend to use the word “love” very loosely these days. We love our friends, we think we love our boyfriend or girlfriend so we just say it anyway. We love that cute top that the chick next to us is wearing. But what makes this love unique? My brother and I are a product of a love that joined two people in marriage. This love comes without conditions or an ending. So going home for the weekend or even just for a day makes me so excited. Every single time. Because there truly is nothing like the love that lets us share our name. Oh, and my mom’s food.

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